So, I haven't touched this thing in a few years because the supervisor (or is it admin?) password for BIOS got corrupted (or maybe I simply forgot it - I honestly can't remember). 
Today, I thought I'd pull it out and give it another try.

Obviously - for whatever tablet-esque reason, this is not your typical bios reset. There's no battery, no obvious jumpers, nothing.
But, there was this button; and given that it lines up perfectly with a hole in the case decorated with an image of a battery being ejected from its casing - I figured this was what I was looking for.
I tried everything. I tried pushing it and holding it with the battery unplugged. Tried it with the battery plugged in. I tried it during boot. I tried different combinations of pushing, pulling, button-holding, unplugging, key-mashing ... I gave it the works to no avail.

Then I thought, maybe there are a couple jumpers I need to connect WHILE holding the button down. After nearly blinding myself, soldering tweezers to the board, and nearly frying the thing - I decided to forego the testing of the rest of these "Maybe-maybe-not" jumpers.

Alas - the mystery remains. I couldn't find anything marked "CLR1" or "BIOS" or anything like that on either side of the board.

I have no idea how to reset this stupid thing and if I can't get it figure out, I'm going to take a baseball bat to it.

If anybody knows this super secret - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me in on it.

Thanks...